The Spawns of Satan:
Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez
Aww...Twins. Where do I even begin with these two? Well I guess I can start with Derek Jeter. This guy is one step above Kobe Bryant in my book. Let's compare Derek and Kobe's lesser traits. Cocky? Check. Overrated? Check. Egocentric? Check. Basically, Derek Jeter's one Colorado hotel room away from tying Kobe for my most despised athlete. And just like Kobe can't coexist with Shaq taking some of the limelight, it's going to be mighty difficult for Derek to cope with his new third baseman around. You see, Alex Rodriguez is about as selfish as they come. He might be the best player in the game, but it's completely gone to his head. How else do you explain his betraying the Mariners, who by the way have done just fine without him, or the fact that he took an obscene 252 million dollar contract knowing full well that it would suffocate the Rangers ability to improve the team further. It's always been about Alex Rodriguez...and the money. Don't buy it for a second when he pulls out the "I just want to win" line. If he really wanted to win, he'd have stayed in Seattle.
Jason Giambi, or Benedict Arnold as me and my roommates lovingly refer to him, got more than just over 10 million dollars per season when he joined the Yankees, he also got neutered. You see, George has a strict dress code for his players. No tattoos, no long hair, and no male reproductive organs. The man who once appeared on the cover of rolling stone as a "bad boy" is now dressing like a metrosexual and doing deodorant commercials.
Take a look... What's missing from the picture above? Oh, that's right, his chin! When it comes to acting like a tough guy and having nothing to back it up with, "The Weasel" is tops.
Going once... Going twice... Sold! To the highest bidder, the New York Yankees. Gary Sheffield never met a big contract he didn't like. He's the baseball version of Rasheed Wallace. It doesn't matter which team it is, as long as they "CTC" a little bigger than any other team, he's there. Too bad for the Yankees, he won't be going all out this year. You see, Shef has a little tendency of only playing hard when he knows the next contract's on it's way.
Mike Mussina; yet another trophy for George to put on his shelf. After all, why not take the only good pitcher from the last team that finished ahead of you in the division. If you can't beat them, make them join you!
Then there's "Grey Beard"., or as he's more well known, Bernie Williams. When you tell a Yankee fan that they bought the team, they're always quick to mention they have plenty of home grown stars. Well when the injury-prone Bernie is in the top three of home grown talent the argument begins to fall apart.
Not content to plunder goods from the other 28 Major League teams, the Yankees have gone international, stealing Japan's best player, Hideki Matsui. And another thing...Look at the size of those earlobes! He's like a Buddha idol.
Hitting the home run that sends your team to the World Series is every 12 year old's dream. Oh, you mean he only looks twelve? Nevermind. Anyway, Aaron Boone's desire to "Be Like Mike" and play pickup hoops ensured that he will not be remembered for his miracle homer, but rather as the buffoon who got hurt and paved Alex Rodriguez's way to New York.
Joe Torre's in the mafia. Just look at him. Tell me this guy doesn't have mob connections. But just because he's part of the family, it doesn't mean that George is going to hesitate to give Joe a new pair of cement shoes if things go awry this season.