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The B.C. Episode 1 - "Ready to Leave the Ground"
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TEASER
The scene opens with Tony and Starks in the Romano’s garage getting more beer for Caesar’s birthday party. Tony’s at the fridge getting the beer while Starks is rummaging through some old boxes.
Starks: (with boxing gloves on) Hey Romano, wanna, go a few rounds, or are you not man enough to take on the next Roy Jones Jr.?
Tony: Tell you what, why don’t you show me how much of a man you are by giving me a hand with this beer?
Starks: (putting gloves away) You know, I expected a little more out of you Ton’. Where’s the killer instinct? If you wanna be the man, you’ve got to beat the man.
Tony: Just be careful with that stuff, will you. It’s my dad’s equipment from high school and he’ll kill me if it gets messed up
Starks: (Taking out an old basketball) Shoot Tony! You didn’t tell me your dad was a baller! (Starts dribbling)
Tony: Yeah, he was real good back in the day. He held the St. Thomas record for points scored for a couple of years.
Starks: This old rock makes me feel like Dr. J coupled with the modern day dribbling skills of Iverson! Watch this! (Dribbles ball off his foot as Tony is speaking)
Tony: Be careful with it. That’s the ball he hit the game winning shot with in the Regional Championship (Ball starts rolling into the street) Nice move Dr. Iverson. Get this beer! (He takes off after ball, which rolls across the street to and into his neighbor’s yard. Tony grabs the ball and as he looks up Amy, who is carrying a box, gives him a glance as she disappears into the doorway.)
Michael: Not even one hour in Jersey yet, and I’ve already caught a trespasser.
Tony: Huh?
Michael: Hi, I’m Michael Carson. I’m moving in here. So is it normal to have random people running across your yard in this state?
Tony: Only when there are people across the street who can’t dribble a basketball. Sorry about that. I’m Tony Romano; I guess I’m your neighbor from across the street.
Michael: Well I was just kidding with you Tony. Feel free to run onto my yard any time you’d like. You know, they told me it would be different, but this place sure feels like a whole ‘nother world compared to Iowa.
Tony: Yeah I bet. So what made you move all the way to Jersey?
Michael: I’m the new pastor at Paramus Bible Church a couple of block from here.
Tony: Oh, ok. I know where that is. I go by there every day on the way to school.
Michael: I don’t know if you saw my daughter or not. She just went into the house to start unpacking. But I’m sure she’d love to meet you. She’s about your age, so maybe you could show her around a bit. You know, help her fit in.
Tony: Uh, sure thing.
Starks: Hey Tony, I got the booze, let’s hit the bricks.
Michael: And who might this be?
Tony: This is my friend who needs to work on his cross-over. You can call him Starks, like the basketball player. Starks, I’d like you to meet my new neighbor, Pastor Carson.
Starks: Whoa. Like Pastor Carson, the new preacher at Paramus Bible?
Michael: That’s me.
Starks: Yeah, my parents go there. So… uh, Pastor, we’d, uh, better get back to our party over there. We were sent to go pick up the holy wine for our Saturday afternoon Eucharist, and we don’t want to hold that up.
Michael: Of course not. I wouldn’t want to keep anyone waiting for that. All right, I’d better get back to unpacking. I’m sure I’ll see you boys later.
Tony: (Walking back with Starks) Saturday afternoon Eucharist? Real smooth, John. Real smooth.
Starks: Oh, and you couldn’t have given me any warning that I was walking up to my new pastor carrying a two cases of alcohol?
Tony: Like I had time for that Mr. “I got the booze, let’s hit the bricks!” Face it John. You set yourself up for that one. Hold up. (Turns back around) Hey Pastor Carson!
Michael: (Heading into the house, turns)
Tony: Welcome to Bergen County.
OPENING CREDITS
Scene 1
Caesar Romano’s 70th birthday party. Caesar and his two sons, Carmine and Mario, are sitting at a picnic table in Mario’s backyard.
Caesar: Where are the boys with my bottle of suds? Hey Mario, you sure your boy isn’t knocking back a few in the garage with his pal?
Mario: Tony? Nah. He knows better.
Carmine: You sure about that Mario? Back in the day you and I would’ve been passed out by now if we had access to a fridge full of booze.
Mario: Well I think the fact that he’s been told I know the exact number of bottles in that fridge helps to keep him on track.
Caesar: You really know the exact number of bottles?
Mario: You kidding me? The way Maria goes through that stuff, how could I ever keep track?
Tony: We’ve got the beer. Sorry we took so long.
Mario: What was the hold up?
Tony: I ran into our new neighbor across the street.
Mario: You don’t say.
Tony: Yeah, he’s from Iowa. Seems like a nice guy.
Mario: Well I hope so, at least for the Olsen’s sake. He’s going to be their new pastor.
John: Yeah, mine too. I got to make a real good impression carrying around enough beer to last an alcoholic for a month.
Caesar: You should have offered him a few. Would have made a nice house warming gift.
Carmine: Oh, I’m sure he would have loved that.
Starks: (Handing Caesar a beer) Well speaking of gifts, in honor of your 70th birthday, I took the liberty to select this fine brew from the Romano’s liquor cabinet just for you, sir.
Caesar: (Examining the bottle) Let’s have a look at this. A 2007 Budweiser, a fine selection John.
Starks: Glad you like it.
Tony: Hey Dad, mind if John and I go shoot some hoops out front. Starks here needs some serious work on his crossover.
Mario: Yeah, go for it.
Starks: I already told you man, that old leather was slippery. Don’t start diss’n on my handle.
Caesar: You’ve raised one good kid there, Mario.
Mario: Thanks dad.
Caesar: Of course that should come as no surprise considering the excellent job I did raising the two of you.
Carmine: You are the best, dad.
Caesar: Nah, I won’t take all the credit. You mother had a little to do with it too. And of course it didn’t hurt having that fine Italian blood coursing through your veins.
Carmine: We really have done ok for ourselves haven’t we?
Caesar: Shows you that hard work pays off.
Mario: Hard work and a few guns.
Caesar: Alright, I’m not saying that there haven’t been some things I’ve done that I’m not proud of, but everything I did, I did for this family.
Mario: I know dad. I was just busting your chops.
Caesar: We didn’t have it so easy back in the day. It’s not like it is now. You couldn’t just walk into an interview with a nice suit and get an honest job. We weren’t viewed as equal. If we wanted our piece of the pie, we had to fight for it.
Mario: I know dad. I know. Believe me, until a few years back, I was right there in the thick of it with you.
Caesar: I know you were. And I understand why you had to get out. It was a tough thing losing Vinnie like that. Lord knows it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through.
Carmine: Yeah, well we all do what we gotta do.
Mario: Listen, let’s not talk about this any more. It’s dad’s 70th. We should be celebrating.
Caesar: Yeah, celebrating the fact that I’ll be rattling around the house driving your mother crazy, now that she’s forcing me to retire.
Mario: You know, dad I’m really impressed that you’re keeping your promise to Ma after all these years.
Caesar: Listen to me, son. You don’t get through fifty years of marriage without keeping your promises
Maria: (calling from inside) Mario! You were supposed to start grilling the chicken fifteen minutes ago!
Caesar: And lots of Valium.
Scene 2
Tony and Starks are in the driveway shooting a basketball
Starks: Ok, remember now, you’ve got to bank it in on this shot or it doesn’t count.
Tony: I know. I got it, man. (Shoots and misses)
Starks: That’s H-O-R-S-E my friend. Another one bites the dust in the wake of the legendary John Starks.
Tony: Congratulations. You got me.
Starks: That’s it? No witty comeback? No challenge to a rematch? I mean, I know that I usually beat you, but not on five straight shots. What’s up with you today?
Tony: I’m a little distracted ok?
Starks: Distracted? You seem like you’re off in another world. That last shot barely caught rim, dude.
Tony: Did you see her?
Starks: See who? What are you talking about, man?
Tony: The girl across the street. She was…incredible.
Starks: Wait, wait. You got a thing for the preacher’s daughter? You’re kidding right?
Tony: Once you see her, you’ll know I’m not joking.
Starks: Hey Tony, newsflash: she is the preacher’s daughter.
Tony: Yeah…so?
Starks: So you, my friend, are not the type of guy who dates girls like that. Unless you feel like spending the next six months of your life on first base waiting for a steal sign.
Tony: It’s not like that man. There’s something about this one, I can tell.
Starks: You can tell from what? The way she carried her boxes into the house. Come on, man. Get back to reality. Snap out of this.
Tony: I’m telling you, bro. She’s something special.
Starks: If you say so, dude. (Takes a shot and swishes it) That’s my first shot in our rematch. Your turn, lover.
Tony: Just give me the ball. (Starts to shoot)
Starks: Oh, there she is! (Distracts Tony, who airballs the shot).
Tony: Where?
Starks: That would be H. Get your head in the game.
Scene 3
Juliet’s bedroom
Frankie: (Rummaging through some drawers) Hey Juliet, you got a pen around here I can use to sign this birthday card?
Juliet: Frankie! Get out of there! That’s my underwear drawer!
Frankie: Oh man, forget the pen, I’ve hit the jackpot!
Juliet: Frankie!
Frankie: (holding up a pair of underwear, laughing) Nice grannies Jules.
Juliet: Frankie! Give me those right now!
Frankie: All right, cool your jets. It’s not like I got to see anything good. (Peeks in the drawer) You got any thongs in there?
Juliet: (Pushing Frankie out of the way and slamming the drawer) No! Now would you cut it out? That’s personal.
Frankie: Aw, come on Jules, I think your underwear is hot.
Juliet: You do?
Frankie: Oh yeah, I find grannies to be a big turn on.
Juliet: (Obviously annoyed, sits down on her bed) Figures.
Frankie: What figures?
Juliet: It figures that the first time I hear a boy use my name and “hot” in the same sentence, he’s making a joke.
Frankie: (Sits next to her) Oh come on, I didn’t mean anything by it.
Juliet: I know, I know. I’m just being stupid.
Frankie: But seriously Jules, live a little. Go out and buy a thong.
Juliet: What’s the point? It’s not like any boy is going to want to see me in one.
Frankie: Aw, I’m sure that’s not true.
Juliet: Yeah, that’s what you think. But no matter what I do, it’s not going to make a difference. Boys just aren’t interested in me. I mean, I lost forty pounds over the summer, but they still look at me like I’m the heavy girl. What’s the point of even trying?
Frankie: You know what, Jules? If they can’t see how beautiful you are, then they just aren’t good enough for you.
Juliet: Yeah, yeah, “I’m beautiful on the inside”. You know how sick I am of hearing that?
Frankie: No, I mean beautiful on the outside. I mean, just look in the mirror. You’re turning into something amazing. And if they can’t see what I see, they’re the one with the problem.
Juliet: (stares into his eyes and draws close) You - you really think I’m beautiful?
Frankie: (Draws in close) Jules, you’re gorgeous.
(The two lean in for a kiss, but a knock on the door stops them.)
Antoinette: Sorry to interrupt, but it’s time for dinner.
Juliet: Ok, thanks for letting us know.
Antoinette: That’s alright. I just didn’t want you two to lose track of time. Sometimes it seems the two of you are in your own little world. But I must say it’s nice to see two cousins who are so close.
Juliet: (After an awkward pause) Uh, yeah that’s us. Well, we’ll be down in a minute Grandma.
Antoinette: Just don’t be long. You know how impatient your grandfather is about food.
Frankie: Yeah, we’d better not keep him waiting. (Smiling) Let’s go… cuz.
Juliet: (Obviously doesn’t see the humor in it. But quickly recovers and flashes a big smile at her grandmother before getting up from the bed.)
Scene 4
The Carson’s living room
Amy: (Going through a stack of boxes) Ugh! Dad, you think we brought enough stuff? I thought the idea was to get a fresh start, not just transplant our old lives.
Michael: Look, I sold plenty of stuff at the garage sale. Believe me, I only took the essentials.
Amy: (Holding up an old record) This is the essentials?
Michael: It’s the Carpenters! If that’s not essential, I don’t know what is!
Amy: Dad, we don’t even own a record player.
Michael: Who needs a record player! (Pointing to his heart) I’ve got all those songs right here.
Amy: So then we can chuck this box of records?
Michael: Don’t you even think about it. Now look, I know it seems like we’ve got a mountain of boxes to sort through, but if we just push through it tonight we can start to get organized and have this place start feeling like home.
Amy: (Opening a box) Yeah, a home full of useless cra…
Michael: What is it?
Amy: (Tears in her eyes) It’s Mom’s things.
Michael: (Crosses the room and kneels down next to her, looking into the box) Oh boy.
Amy: I so wish she were here right now. Having her would make all this so much easier.
Michael: (Wrapping his arm around Amy’s shoulder) I wish she were here too, pumpkin.
Amy: (Wiping away tears) Hey, remember this? It’s the music box I gave mom on my fifth birthday.
Michael: Oh yeah, I remember that. You were so upset because you and I have the same birthday and Mom was the only one that didn’t get any presents. So you made me drive you twenty miles to the department store to pick her up something.
Amy: What song is it playing? I can’t remember the name.
Michael: “We’ve Only Just Begun”
Amy: (chuckling) Oh yeah, by the Carpenters. Quite the essential after all.
Michael: Your mother loved them. That’s the reason why I couldn’t part with those records. We used to listen to them for hours, especially when she was pregnant with you. I think that’s what happened to the record player, we wore it out.
Amy: Alright, alright. We can keep the records.
Michael: Well thank you. That’s very kind.
Amy: Well what do you say we get back to work? There’s not too, too much stuff here. Maybe we can make quick work of it.
Michael: Oh pumpkin, we’ve only just begun.
Scene 5
The Romano’s backyard. Everyone is eating dinner at the picnic table.
Caesar: Hey Antoinette, where’s the sausage at? I thought this was supposed to be a party?
Antoinette: Oh hush. You know what the doctor said about cutting out all that salt in your diet.
Caesar: What’s the point of making it to 70 if I’m going to have to go through the rest of my life without sausage?
Mario: Speaking of the doctor, honey, how’s Angela doing? You went and saw her the other day right?
Maria: Oh nothing much. Same old, same old.
Mario: Yeah, I gotta remember to make an appointment with her for a checkup.
Caesar: That’s my boy. Gotta stay in fighting shape. Just make sure she doesn’t ban the sausage.
Tony: Well, with or without sausage, the food’s great grandma.
Starks: Yes, Mrs. Romano, quite the delicacy.
Antoinette: Why how very kind of you John, and you as well Tony.
Starks: Actually, I need to be excused for a second. I just remembered that I have to give my mom a call and let her know when I need to be picked up. (Gets up and goes).
Antoinette: Juliet!
Juliet: (Sitting next to Frankie and holding his hand under the table, now startled because she thought she was caught) W-What?
Antoinette: Put some more food on your plate, you’re wasting away to skin and bones.
Juliet: It’s just a diet Grandma, I’m fine.
Antoinette: Well I think you look fine, so why don’t you take some more chicken?
Gina: The food is excellent Ma. This lasagna is to die for.
Antoinette: Thanks, dear.
Caesar: See babe, if Gina’s willing to kick the bucket for lasagna, why are you denying me my death by sausage?
Carmine: You’d better give him what he wants Mom. Dad’s been known to be very persuasive in his past.
Gina: Oh please dear, what’s he going to do? Fit her for cement shoes and toss her in the river over sausage?
Mario: Hey, that’s the chance you take when you marry a mob boss.
Antoinette: Oh please, your father knows that I can be far more intimidating than any move he’s ever pulled.
Caesar: It’s true Mario. I’d stare down the barrel of a gun any day before I’d even think of crossing your mother. Why do you think I’m retiring?
Antoinette: Enough already. Can’t this family have one peaceful meal without the mafia becoming an issue?
Suddenly a police car pulls up to the house with its lights and sirens on.
Mario: Apparently not. Dad, you stay there. I’ll handle this.
Scene 6
The Olsen’s, the Romano’s next-door neighbors are beginning to leave their house and are on their way across the street to greet the Carson’s.
Rob: Come on mom! Do I really have to come along for this? The game is about to start.
Beth: Yes you do. And besides, it’s August, what football game could you possibly be watching?
Tim: Pre-season dear.
Beth: Pre-season? I don’t see what the big fuss is about. It’s not even a real game.
Rob: It’s still a game, and real fans don’t miss a game.
Beth: Well fans who need to be polite and meet their new pastor do.
Rob: Well can we at least try to make this quick so I can get back for the second half?
Tim: Don’t count on it bud, they probably have a lot of stuff that they need help unloading.
Rob: Whoa! Missing the game for dessert is one thing, but there’s no way I’m unpacking.
Tim: (Outside) Here Robbie, hold the pie while I lock up.
Beth: I don’t know why you’re having such a bad attitude about all of this. You just might have a good time. And besides, Pastor Carson has a daughter your age.
Rob: She’s probably a hick.
Beth: I heard she’s cute.
Rob: Yeah, cute just like the last girl you tried to set me up with? Since when has cute been the code word for a hunchback with gap teeth?
Tim: Don’t forget her lazy eye.
Beth: (Shoots Tim a look) Now come on, that poor girl didn’t have any of those.
Rob: Might as well have.
Beth: (Ringing doorbell) Well hick or no hick, I expect you to be nice to this girl, even if she is a hunchback.
Michael: (Opens door) Hello.
Beth: Hi, Pastor Carson? We’re the Olsen’s.
Michael: Oh, of course. I remember, I remember. I knew you looked familiar; I just couldn’t place the name.
Tim: Well it’s been a few months since your visit to check things out. I’m Tim.
Beth: And I’m Beth, and this is our son, Rob.
Michael: Oh, you’ll have to meet my daughter Amy. She’s upstairs working on setting up her room. (Calling to her) Hey Amy, we’ve got company! She’ll be down in a minute.
Beth: Well, I baked this pie. I thought that maybe you’d feel like taking a break from unpacking and we could chat for a little bit.
Michael: Sounds wonderful, and smells wonderful too. I’ll tell you that if you’re as half as good director of women’s ministries as you are a baker, then we’re going to have a great time down at the church.
Beth: Why thank you. I’m looking forward to it.
Amy: (Coming down the stairs) Hey dad, you called?
Michael: Amy, I’d like you to meet the Olsen’s. They’re part of our new church.
Amy: Oh. Hey.
Michael: And this is their son, Rob. He’s the same age as you.
Rob: (Obviously awe struck at how beautiful Amy is) Hey.
Michael: Well are we ready for some pie? Just smelling this is making my mouth water.
Amy: I’ll be there in just a second. I just want to finish up one thing real quick in my room.
Rob: (blurting it out) I’ll help!
Amy: (Thinking Rob’s kinda weird) Uh. Ok, it’s, uh, right up here.
Rob: (Heading up the stairs) And maybe after dessert, I can help you unpack. I’m practically an expert at that sort of thing. Not that I’ve actually ever moved anywhere, but I’m very good at organizing. I guess you can say that I’m an organizational expert.
Beth: (smiles and shakes her head at Rob) So, shall we eat?
Michael: Let’s go for it.
Scene 7
The Romano’s back yard. Mario is on his way back with a policeman.
Mario: Relax everybody, it’s just Wayne.
Wayne: Hi everyone!
Carmine: So Wayne, why’d you come here with your sirens blasting?
Wayne: Oh you know me. I like to make an entrance.
Carmine: Some entrance.
Wayne: And Mr. Romano, I understand it’s your 70th birthday today.
Caesar: It sure is officer. And as a gift to me, do you think that there’s any chance you can take my wife away on charges of sausage deprivation?
Wayne: Watching what the old man eats, are you Mrs. Romano?
Antoinette: The doctor said no more salt. I’m just following orders.
Wayne: I’m sorry sir, looking out for your husband’s health is not a criminal offense, but happy birthday anyway.
Caesar: Thank you.
Tony: Hey Officer Starks, are you here to pick up John?
Wayne: Yeah, his mother wants him home. But actually I was thinking of sticking around a bit if that’s alright with all of you.
Maria: Of course. You know you’re always welcome here Wayne.
Wayne: Thanks so much. I really do appreciate it. The wife’s got her mother staying with us for the weekend, and you know how she is. I picked up a few extra shifts of patrol, just for an excuse to get me out of the house.
Starks: (Coming out of the house) Hey Pop. We leaving?
Wayne: No, I think we’re going to stay here for a little bit. Do me a favor and go call your mother to tell her we’re going to be a while.
Starks: Sure thing.
Carmine: (Getting up from the table) Hey Mario, there’s something that I wanted you to take a look at in my car, would you mind going out front with me?
Mario: Uh, yeah, sure. What is it?
Carmine: No big deal. Just meet me out there in a minute.
Wayne: Mrs. Romano, is that the heavenly scent of your lasagna I smell?
Antoinette: Why yes it is, Wayne. Take a seat and I’ll fix you a plate.
Wayne: You know Mrs. Romano, if you’re going to be cooking around here on a regular basis, I just might have my mother-in-law visit us more often.
Scene 8
Amy’s room
Rob: So what was it like out in Iowa?
Amy: Take New Jersey, replace the cement with cornfields and the obnoxious people with cows, and you’ve got Iowa.
Rob: So I take it you’re not a big fan of the Garden State?
Amy: More like the sewage state if you ask me.
Rob: But it’s got to be kind of exciting right? Moving to a whole new place in all?
Amy: Yeah, if you want to call getting dragged away from everything you know exciting. I mean, how would you like being forced to move half-way across the country from all your friends?
Rob: Well, that would probably be assuming I had any friends.
Amy: Yeah, ok. You don’t have any friends?
Rob: Well unless catching a Mets game once a year with my dad counts as having a friend…
Amy: Come on. You don’t seem that pathetic. I mean maybe a little strange at first, but you’ve got some social skills.
Rob: Uh, thanks?
Amy: Seriously, how do you not have any friends?
Rob: Well it’s kind of hard to fit in at school when you don’t go to any of the ragers, or smoke pot, or curse incessantly, or pretty much do anything even remotely sketchy. And for the past six months, the number of teenagers who have attended our church has been exactly one. And that would be me, in case you’re having trouble with the math.
Amy: I think I got it.
Rob: I mean, I’m sure that I could always get in with the reject crowd at school since they’re pretty much willing to accept anyone who’s not trying to yank their underwear over the top of their heads, but I do have some pride. And so I pretty much keep to myself most of the time.
Amy: Wow, that’s pretty sad.
Rob: But don’t get me wrong, I mean, I have a very active social life in the ESPN chat rooms.
Amy: That’s even sadder.
Rob: But I’m this close to being chosen as a moderator.
Amy: Well, I wish I could say that I’m going to help you out. But unless you feel like expanding your horizons and hitting up a wild party or two, we’re probably not going to be seeing that much of each other.
Rob: You’re going to the ragers? You? The pastor’s daughter?
Amy: Believe me; I’ve been known to be the life of several parties.
Rob: Maybe out in Iowa, but this is Jersey. Things can get pretty hard-core.
Amy: And you don’t think I can handle it? Well how’s this for hard-core? (Shows him her tattoo on the small of her back)
Rob: No way! My pastor’s daughter has a tramp stamp!
Amy: You know, I just can’t figure out why you don’t have any friends.
Scene 9
Outside the Romano’s house. Carmine is leaning up against his BMW parked on the street.
Mario: Alright Carmine, you’ve got my interest piqued, what’s going on?
Carmine: I was thinking of putting a new set of rims on the Beemer, I wanted your opinion.
Mario: I’m sure.
Carmine: Come on little bro, you don’t have to be like that. You could be driving on of these too if you came back to the family business.
Mario: We’ve been over this a million times already. I know that’s not why you called me out here. So just cut to the chase. I’ve got company.
Carmine: Well you’re about to get more, and that’s the reason we’re out here.
Mario: What are you talking about?
Carmine: I’ve got a little business deal going down in a while.
Mario: What kind of deal are we talking about?
Carmine: Look, Mario, I don’t want you to blow a gasket or nothing, but I’ve arranged to meet a client here.
Mario: You can’t be serious. Here? Carmine, you know I want nothing to do with your business.
Carmine: Well, this has got nothing to do with you.
Mario: If it’s going down on my property, it does have something to do with me.
Carmine: Well before you go jump on your high horse, just remember where you got the money to buy this property.
Mario: Don’t play that card. You know full well where I stand on this issue. Where’d you get the nerve to invite someone like that here?
Carmine: Look, it wasn’t my choice, ok? This is a very time-sensitive transaction. My client needs these guns right away, and I couldn’t miss Dad’s party.
Mario: So why did you call me out here?
Carmine: Because you’re the one whose wife just invited the police officer to stay for dinner.
Mario: What do you expect me to do about it?
Carmine: Get him out of here.
Mario: And just how do you suppose I do that? Do you think I should just be honest and tell him to hit the road because my brother has an illegal arms deal going down in my front yard?
Carmine: Come on, Mario. This isn’t the time to joke.
Mario: I’m not joking. Find a new place for your exchange, or call your client and tell him the deal’s off.
Carmine: You know I can’t do that.
Mario: And you know I can’t get rid of Wayne without looking suspicious. Find a new place for your deal. Now excuse me. I’m going back to Dad’s party.
Scene 10
The Romano’s back yard. Everyone is finishing up their dinner.
Frankie: Hey Tony, you wanna go throw the football around?
Tony: Sounds good.
Starks: You better watch out Frank, if Tony practices too much we just might have a quarterback controversy happening on the JV squad.
Frankie: Yeah, alright. I’m up for the challenge.
Tony: You’d better be. I want that starting job, bro.
Gina: Hey Maria, who do these two remind you of?
Maria: They are just like their fathers.
Tony: Hey, you hear that Franklin? My dad started.
Frankie: Well who said history had to repeat itself? Let’s go throw around out front. I’ll show you how it’s done. (Gets up to go)
Juliet: (Following him) What’s with you two? Does everything have to be a competition?
Gina: Only sports, grades, and girls.
Antoinette: Oh Gina, don’t encourage them.
Gina: Come on Ma, there’s nothing wrong with a little healthy competition.
Antoinette: Well then why don’t you and your sister-in-law compete to see who can help me wash the most dishes?
Mario: (Coming back from the front yard) My money’s on my wife.
Maria: Thanks for the support, dear.
Gina: (Clearing the dishes and heading off to the kitchen) Well after spending over twenty years cleaning up over Mario, she probably does have the advantage.
Mario: Always the charmer, that Gina.
Caesar: Mario, where’s your brother?
Mario: He was fooling around with something on the BMW.
Wayne: You know I always wanted to check that baby out. Maybe I’ll go take a peek while he’s out there. (Gets up and starts heading for out front)
Mario: (Gets up and follows him) Maybe later, he was practically finished.
Wayne: Nah, I’d better go now. How often do I have the chance?
Mario: Oh I’m sure there’ll be other times.
Wayne: (Now out front) Hey, that van across the street – are the Carson’s moving in this weekend?
Mario: Yeah, Tony mentioned that he ran into them a little while ago.
Wayne: I should go over and say hi. Martha would probably kill me for doing it without her, though.
Mario: Oh, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind. You should head over there.
Wayne: Eh, You’re probably right. Hey John, come here for a second.
Starks: What up Pops?
Wayne: I want you to go across the street with me to meet the Carson’s.
Starks: Too late dad, been there, done that. Can I just stay here?
Wayne: Well I guess…
Tony: Come on, Starks, go over. I’ll come with you.
Mario: You want to go over? What’s with you and this pastor guy?
Starks: Oh, Tony is just very interested in religion. Aren’t you Tony?
Mario: Religion, eh?
Tony: Something like that.
Scene 11
The Carson’s living room. Michael, Beth, and Tim are all unpacking boxes.
Michael: You two are really good to be helping me out like this. I don’t know how Amy and I would have gotten through this all by ourselves.
Beth: It’s the least we can do, Pastor.
Michael: (Doorbell rings) I wonder who that could be. (Answers the door) Hello.
Wayne: Pastor Carson, so nice to see you again. I’m Wayne Starks, and this is my son, Jon, and his friend, Tony.
Michael: Oh, we’ve already met. How was the Eucharist, boys?
Starks: Quite a blessing.
Wayne: Eucharist?
Michael: Inside joke. Well, I’m very glad you decided to come over.
Beth: Hi, Wayne.
Wayne: Oh, hello Beth, Tim.
Beth: We were just helping Pastor unpack some of his things.
Wayne: Oh, how nice.
Michael: Don’t feel like you have to stay and help though. I understand if you’re busy.
Wayne: No, no. I don’t have anything I’m missing, well, except for Mrs. Romano’s canolli cake. But I’m sure there’ll be leftovers.
Michael: Well, thank you. I’d love the help. Listen, why don’t you two boys head upstairs and introduce yourself to my daughter, Amy. I’m sure she can find something for you to help her with, if that’s ok?
Starks: (Smiling at Tony, who doesn’t appreciate the comment at all) Believe me. That’s more than ok. (Heads upstairs with Tony)
Michael: (Puzzled at Starks’ comment) Your boy’s really nice, Wayne.
Wayne: Nice? Is that what you call it in Iowa? ‘Round here we call it “up to something”.
Scene 12
Amy’s room. She’s putting stuff on her shelf, and Rob’s flipping through a picture book.
Rob: Whoa, you didn’t tell me there’d be nude photos in here.
Amy: What are you talking about? I’m like 3 months old in that picture.
Rob: I’ve still seen you naked. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at you the same again.
Amy: (Amused) You’re a total dork. You know that right?
Starks: Holla! (Entering with Tony)
Amy: (Wondering who these people are) Uh, holla back?
Starks: What up? Amy right? I’m Starks, and this is my boy, Tony.
Amy: Oh, hey.
Tony: (Trying to hide how nervous he is) It’s, uh, nice to meet you.
Amy: (Checking him out, and giving him a smile) Nice to meet you too.
Rob: (Making himself known) Hey guys.
Starks: (Couldn’t care less) Oh, uh, hey Rob.
Tony: So Starks and I were wondering if you wanted to hang out for a while.
Rob: We’re real busy unpacking.
Amy: (Kind of annoyed at Rob) Actually, I’m really getting sick of it. So what did you have in mind?
Scene 13
Amy, Tony, Starks, and Rob are heading down the stairs into the living room.
Amy: Hey Dad, do you think it would be alright if I went to the mall with Tony and Starks? It’s that really big one we passed on the way over here.
Michael: Well, I guess you deserve a break. Is Rob going too?
Amy: Uh…yeah. You’re going, right, Rob?
Rob: Well actually, there’s this game on that…
Beth: Rob, why don’t you go with them? It will be nice.
Rob: I guess I’m going then.
Wayne: Now how are you getting over there?
Starks: Tony said that he’s sure somebody in his family will take us.
Wayne: Well just stay out of trouble then.
Starks: (Sarcastically) Us? Trouble?
Wayne: (Stares him down)
Scene 14
Maria, and Gina are in the kitchen washing dishes.
Gina: Well that was quite the spread Ma put on, wasn’t it?
Maria: (Not really paying attention) It certainly was.
Gina: Of course she could have spared herself the trouble and just cooked Dad a big plate of sausage.
Maria: Well you know Dad…
Gina: (Being nosy, not really caring) Maria, can I ask you something? Are you ok?
Maria: I’m fine.
Gina: Well, it just seems that you’re off somewhere else.
Maria: I’m fine, really.
Gina: Well, you sure don’t seem fine to me.
Maria: Just drop it, Gina.
Gina: (Offended, so taking a jab) I mean, Mario tells Carmine that all you do since Vinnie died is putter around the house, cleaning. But this place is a mess.
Maria: (She pauses for a moment, really upset, but trying to stay calm) You’ve got to be kidding me. I know that you didn’t have the nerve to just… (cell phone rings, checks to see who it is) Drop it, Gina. (Leaves the room and picks up the phone) Hi Angela… You have the results? Ok, I see. Listen, would it be ok if I swung by tomorrow morning? Ok, I’ll see you then. (Visibly worried)
Tony: (Startling her) Hey, Mom. Can you run a couple of us over to the mall real quick? Dad said he’d do it, but he’s busy with Uncle Carmine.
Maria: Uh, yeah, no problem. Are Frankie and Juliet going too?
Tony: Not sure. I’ll go ask them. Thanks Mom.
Maria: Alright, I’ll be down out in a minute.
Tony: (About to leave, but then stops) Hey, Mom. Are you ok?
Maria: (Looking away from him) I’ll be fine, dear.
Scene 15
Tony, Starks, Amy, Rob, Frankie, and Juliet are all walking through the entrance to the Garden State Plaza.
Amy: You do realize that we have entire towns in Iowa that are smaller than this place?
Frankie: Welcome to Bergen County, the land of a thousand malls.
Juliet: Don’t worry Amy; you’ll know this place like the back of your hand in no time.
Amy: So where are we heading to?
Starks: I’m partial to the food court. Good place to meet the honeys.
Amy: All right, well which zip code is that in?
Tony: That would be 07648. Right down the escalators.
Scene 16
Tony, Amy, Rob, and Juliet are all sitting at a table in the food court. Starks and Frankie are off talking to some girls.
Amy: Well Tony, your friend appears to be quite the ladies’ man.
Tony: Oh Starks? Yeah, if he didn’t take the occasional break to play some ball, he’d qualify for residency at this place.
Amy: Looks like Frankie, managed to snag himself a few also.
Tony: It’s apparently not too difficult when you’re the star quarterback.
Amy: So how come you’re not over there picking up girls, Tony?
Juliet: Cause Tony’s already got himself a woman.
Tony: (Trying to cover it up to Amy) Nah, that’s nothing serious.
Rob: I just don’t get it. Don’t those girls realize that he’d say or do anything just to get a piece of tail? How do they fall for his games?
Juliet: (Upset by the comment, because she’s fallen for it.) Rob, when have you ever even talked to Frankie? How would you know what he’s like?
Rob: I don’t know. It’s just the vibe I get from him.
Juliet: Frankie can be a really sweet guy.
Tony: Especially when he’s after something.
Frankie: (Surprising them) Hey. Sorry about ditching you guys like that. You know how those girls can get.
Juliet: Oh, don’t worry about it.
Amy: Look, this has been nice meeting you guys and all, but is there anything else to do in this town besides eating fast food and picking up girls?
Juliet: Well, there are some other malls, but this is the best one.
Tony: I don’t think that’s what she had in mind.
Frankie: Well do you want to check out the city?
Amy: New York City?
Rob: You’re kidding right?
Frankie: Why not?
Rob: Well, for starters, we’re like 15 years old. There’s no way our parents are letting us go in to the city by ourselves.
Frankie: Who said they had to know?
Rob: Whoa, you’re not serious?
Amy: I think that sounds awesome.
Tony: I’m in.
Rob: Ok, there’s absolutely no way I’m doing this. I’m going home. And you should come too, Amy. You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.
Amy: I’ve spent my life in the middle of a cornfield. I’m not passing up my first chance to see New York City. I’m not going home. And you aren’t either. I’m not having you tip my dad off.
Tony: Come on Rob. What’s the worst that could happen?
Rob: You want the long or short list?
Amy: Rob, I’m asking you as a friend. I’ve been waiting my whole life to visit New York. Can we go?
Rob: Fine. But if we get caught. I want it to be known that the only reason I went is to make sure Amy doesn’t get mugged.
Amy: Thank you, Rob.
Frankie: Look, the bus is going to show up any minute. We gotta get going.
Tony: Alright. Just let me see if I can pull Starks away from his fan club.
Rob: You owe me big time, Amy.
Amy: Don’t get greedy Rob. I just called you my friend.
Scene 17
The Romano’s backyard. The sun has set and the party is now inside. Mario is sitting at the picnic table as Carmine approaches.
Carmine: The girls were looking for you. Time for cake.
Mario: Did you take care of what we talked about?
Carmine: It’s been settled.
Mario: Good. That’s one less thing on my mind.
Carmine: I wouldn’t take it off your mind just yet, bro.
Mario: What are you talking about?
Carmine: The deal is still going down here.
Mario: What? You said it was taken care of.
Carmine: It is taken care of. But I couldn’t change the spot of the exchange.
Mario: So how is that taking care of things?
Carmine: Look, I moved my car into your garage. When it comes time for the deal, I’ll just slip out; make it look like I’m taking a leak. Wayne will never know the difference. It’ll be over before anyone even notices I’m gone.
Mario: I hope you realize that this is completely unacceptable.
Carmine: It’s the best I could do.
Mario: Well, as usual, your best isn’t good enough. How could you even think to bring people like that into this house?
Carmine: People like that? Mario, look in the mirror. You are people like that.
Mario: Not any more, I’m not. Look Carmine, I’ve gotta let it slide this time. I’m not about to get you in that kind of trouble, especially on Dad’s birthday. But you owe me now. And if you ever try to pull anything like this in my house again, you will have to answer for it.
Carmine: Alright, alright. I owe you. But try to lighten up a little, will ya? This is supposed to be a happy day.
Mario: Let’s make sure it stays that way.
Carmine: I won’t forget this, bro.
Mario: Neither will I.
Scene 18
Tony, Starks, Amy, Rob, Juliet, and Frankie walk up the stairs from a subway station out onto a busy street corner in Manhattan.
Amy: Well, I’m certainly not in Iowa anymore.
Frankie: Welcome to the city that never sleeps.
Rob: And apparently the city that never takes a bath. What was that smell in the subway?
Juliet: Oh come on Rob, it’s all a part of the New York experience.
Rob: When did urine become an experience?
Starks: And when did complaining every five seconds become your favorite past time? Lighten up, dude. We’re here. Enjoy it.
Tony: So what do ya think, Amy?
Amy: I’ve never seen anything like it before. I feel like I’m in some kind of movie. It’s unbelievable.
Frankie: Well you ain’t seen nothing yet. Let’s get going. We don’t have a lot of time before our parents start thinking that we’re up to something.
Scene 19
The Romano’s livingroom.
Gina: They aren’t up to something, Ma. They’re at the mall. I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal of it.
Antoinette: I just think they’re a little young to let them run loose like that with no supervision. Who knows what they might get into?
Mario: Don’t let it worry you, Ma. They’re good kids. They’ll be alright.
Wayne: (Entering from the kitchen) I hope you don’t mind that I let myself in the back. I got caught helping Pastor Carson unpack.
Antoinette: How very nice of you Wayne. There’s some left over cake here. Would you like a piece?
Wayne: You don’t have to ask me twice.
Carmine: (Upset that Wayne is back, he checks his watch, gives Mario a nod, and then gets up and leaves the room)
Mario: So Wayne, tell me about my new neighbors. How are they?
Scene 20
Tony walks out of a New York City storefront. Amy and Rob are waiting for him.
Tony: Starks is still trying to decide which color he likes. We can go on ahead. They know Amy wants to get to that store we passed before it closes.
Amy: Yeah, we’ve only got a few minutes.
Tony: You two start on without me. I’m just going to grab a hot dog from that cart over there.
(They begin heading in opposite directions. As Amy and Rob pass a dark alley, a hand reaches out and grabs Amy by the arm. A man points a knife at her)
Man: Hand me your purse! And you, give me your wallet!
Amy: Here! Take it!
Man: Hurry it up!
Rob: It’s stuck in my pocket. I’m trying! I’m trying!
Man: Let’s go! I’ll hurt her!
(Tony pays and turns towards Amy and Rob. It takes a moment to realize what is happening, but when he does, he drops his hot dog and starts charging toward the man. Tony tackles the man who is too preoccupied with Amy and Rob to notice him. Tony is now on top of the man, and holding his fist in front of his face.)
Tony: You picked the wrong people to mess with.
Man: (Sees the ring on Tony’s fist which is in his face. He notices the Romano family crest, and panics)
Tony: You’re going to get out of here as fast as you can, understand?
Man: Yeah, I got it. (Tony lets go, and the man fumbles to his feet and takes off)
Rob: Ok, what just happened there?
Amy: Tony... (It starts to sink in and she turns to Tony.) Tony…just…saved our lives. (Wraps her arms around him) Music: U2 - City of Blinding Lights
Tony: It’s ok. You’re alright.
Rob: Seriously. What just happened there?
Amy: (Starting to cry) I’ve never been so scared in my life. That was so amazing, Tony.
Tony: Really, it was nothing.
Amy: Tony! You’re arm is bleeding! He cut you!
Tony: I’m alright. As long as you’re ok, I’m alright.
Starks: What’s going on?
Rob: That’s what I want to know.
Tony: Look, it’s no big deal. Everybody’s ok.
Juliet: Tony! What happened to your arm?
Frankie: You alright, man?
Tony: Really, I’m fine. Everybody’s fine. Let’s just go home.
Rob: It’s where we should have gone in the first place. (Starts walking with the group)
Amy: (Stops and turns to Tony) Just for the record, that wasn’t nothing. Thank you, Tony.
(They head off down the street as the camera pans towards the sky scrapers. There are shots of New York City followed by a shot of Amy and Tony in the train. Her head is resting on his shoulder and the skyline can be seen through the window.)
Scene 21
The Romano’s kitchen.
Mario: Look, honey, I know that you need help with the dishes, but I really need to be out there.
Maria: What’s so important?
Mario: Just trust me on this one. (Enters the living room and looks around) Where’s Wayne?
Gina: He went to the garage to grab a beer from the fridge.
Mario: Oh no! (He runs down the stairs and catches up to Wayne as he opens the door to the garage. Carmine, who is holding an assault rifle is in the middle of a conversation with his client. Carmine pauses as he looks at Wayne, then turns and points the gun at him.)
Carmine: Hello, officer.
END CREDITS
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