Survivor: Exile Island - Episode 14

Survivor Panama: Exile Island Blog
Episode 14 First Elimination: Cirie

For once, we finally had an interesting "fire challenge" for immunity.  Usually one person gets their fire going in two seconds and demolished their opponent. Not so this time.  Cirie and Danielle faced off in a back-and-forth, edge-of-your-seat competition.  There were times when you thought they both had the other one beat, only to watch their fire fizzle out. In the end Danielle prevailed, keeping Terry's hopes alive.  Had Cirie won the challenge, she would have almost certainly won the game.  I would have loved to see that happen, seeing as I had her pegged to go all the way back in Episode 2.  But my loyalties lied wth La Mina, and so I was

The next day, the final three headed off to a reward challenge where the winner would receive a nice "power" meal and a cot to sleep on to get them ready for the final immunity.  It appeared that Aras had it locked up and would win his third straight challenge, but a slip-up allowed Terry to catch up and pull out the victory at the last second.  In Aras' defense, it's hard to win an immunity challenge with both hands wrapped around your neck...  CHOKER!!!!!!!

So Terry ended up with the meal and the cot, two things that would prove completely worthless once you found out what the final challenge actualy was.  But I'll get to that in a minute. 

First I would like to comment on another one of Ara's girly moments.  After he had blown an almost insurmountable lead, Aras decided that he needed to justify why it wasn't such a big deal.  "The thing of it is though is that the meal can also be a psychological disadvantage. Now the onus to win is really on you.  I mean, everyone expects you to win, and you're super dad. That really puts the pressure on you to win. I don't think that Terry's apparent dominance has a psychological effect on me, personally.  Everybody and their mother expects Terry to win this next immunity challenge.  I go out there and give it my best.  I expect to win, and if I don't win, hey, I gave it my best." 

Sure Aras, suuuuuuuure...  It's ok you lost the meal, cause it's really a psychological disadvantage.  It puts even more pressure on Terry.  I'm sure that pressure is just giving him such indigestion in that full stomach of his!  And if Terry's at such an disadvantage right now, then why are you already coming up with excuses for when you lose the final immunity to him?  This is why I can't stand Aras.  Just be a man and admit you messed up and lost.  Stop being such a whiny girl!

So like I said, Terry meal proved to be pointless and not because it was a "psychological disadvantage".  Instead of being an endurance challenge like usual, this final challenge required the Survivors to balance on floating pads that got progressively smaller.  I was really hoping for a Terry vs. Aras match where they'd be holding on for dear life as they gutted it out in some incredibly painful position.  Instead we got a challenge that was so catered to Danielle, it was sick.  She wiped the floor with the men, and rightfully so.  Balancing 90 pounds is a lot easier than 190.  The only possible downfall was that 40 of those 90 pounds were in her chest... Gotta love the Survivor casting department - only psychopaths, underwear models and double D's need apply. 

Terry went down first, followed by Danielle giving Dumb Aras a nod, which prompted the idiot to jump off his pad.  Seriously, Aras, you've got a million bucks on the line and all it takes is a nod for you to jump?  You're not going to ask for a promise, a guarantee, nothing?  And then you're going to act surprised when Danielle says she doesn't know who she's taking yet?  Attention all idiots: Behold, your King!

What did I say when everyone was in an uproar that Terry didn't give Danielle the hidden idol?  YOU CAN'T TRUST DANIELLE!  She had already screwed Terry twice.  Now we can make it a third time.  As soon as she got back to camp with that necklace it was "Terry, I know we had a deal, but I don't know if I want to uphold it.  I have to think about it.  I never thought I'd win, so of course I made the deal so you would take me.  Now that I have the necklace, I might want to take Aras."  Terry, like the man he is, told Danielle that she won fair and square and it was her decision to make.  When Danielle went to Aras and told him that she didn't know who she was taking yet, we got this temper tantrum...

"But you nodded!  You nodded!  If you take Terry then I'm going to tell Cirie not to vote for you and you'll lose both our votes!  You nodded!" 

For the last time: What a whiny girl!

Danielle was forced to make a choice. Go with Aras, who is extremely well liked for some reason.  Or go with Terry, who is generall disliked among her fellow tribe members.  What have I always told you about Danielle?  She always make the worst decision possible.  So who does Danielle choose to take with her? 

Aras. 

Episode 14 Second Elimination: Terry

I will now skin myself and jump in a vat of salt-water. 

The highlight of the show, by far, was when Aras and Danielle decided to go for a walk the next day and Aras completely wiped out on the rocks.  It was pure bliss for a moment, until I realized that Aras was actually hurt pretty bad.  I'm not that cruel. Afterward I felt kind of bad for laughing.  But for a few seconds, it was extremely funny. 

The two go to tribal council, which was fairly bland, save for Terry chewing out Danielle and a totally ganga'ed-out Courtney talking about love and flowers and peace on earth.  Oh yeah, and Shane said a little something too, calling Danielle completely useless, and unable to complete coherent sentences, and Aras a broke, homeless, freeloader.  Unable to decide between the two, Shane made them pick a number between one and a million.  What does Dumb Aras pick?  FOUR!!!!!!  FOUR!!!!!!  FOUR!!!!!!   Let me repeat that:  FOUR!!!!!! 

Here's a little lesson for all of you out there. Listen up, because this will win you countless pick-a-number games in the future. 

Avoid going first at all costs. The person who goes second has a huge advantage over a dumb player.  But if you are forced to go first, you can remove that advantage by being a smart player.  When you go first in a pick-a-number game, always chose the middle number.  Always.  In this case, Aras should have chosen 500,000 as his number.  The reason being is that if you pick 500,000, a smart player choosing after you will pick either 499,999 or 500,001 giving you both a 50-50 chance of winning.  If they aren't smart and pick, 25 for example, then you've got about a 75% chance of being closer.  But worst case, you're at 50-50. 

Now if you can pick second, chances are, the person you play against won't be smart enough to go with 500,000.  They'll mimick Dumb Aras and select FOUR!!!!!!!   What do you do then,  YOU PICK FIVE!!!!!!  That gives you a 999,996 out of 1,000,000 chance that you've got the game wrapped up.  The only way you lose is if the number is 1,2,3, or 4. 

This is the type of knowledge you gain from watching countless hours of "The Price Is Right", which is completely based on the "pick-a-number" concept. 

So Aras picks FOUR!!!!!!! and what does Danielle pick?  TEN!!!!!!!  Not a terrible choice, but not nearly as solid as FIVE!!!!!!!!!

Not that it mattered anyway as Aras predictably trashed Danielle in the final vote 5-2, getting only Shane's pick-a-number vote and a nod from love-struck Bruce.  Needless to say, this was the worst ending to a season of Survivor ever. 

So what else is there to say about this season?  Well, it featured the dumbest cast ever, my favorite characters were knocked off early, and the person I despised the most won. Yet as far as actually enjoying a season of the show, none had me quite as excited to watch each week as Exile Island.  Maybe it was poking fun at Axis of Idiots, maybe it was the added strategy of the hidden immunity idol, and maybe it was rooting for incredible underdogs like Terry and Sally.  But no matter what the reason is, Survivor Panama: Exile Island finishes at the top of all the other eleven seasons in my book.  It's almost as unexpected as a whiny girl like Aras walking away with a million bucks. 

Okay, that was the last time...