Philadelphia, Pennsylvaina is known for two things: dirt and losing.
"The Dirtiest City in America"
I think Will Smith's mom was onto something. If you're living in Philadelphia and you have a child, get him as far away from that city as possible. It's the only responsible thing to do. Regardless of whether or not a couple of guys who are up to no good start making trouble in your neighborhood, it's your duty to ensure that your offspring don't grow up in this filthy city of sports losers. I don't know how Philadelphia became the way it is. Maybe it was the constant feelings of inferiority that built up within its residents. You have to admit, it would be pretty demoralizing to watch New York become the greatest city in the world, while your own town just gets dirtier and dirtier. Because honestly, that's all that Philadelphia has going for it at the moment. The place is currently in the running to become the rat capitol of the United States. Walking down its streets, one can't help but notice the obscene amount of trash that is lying around all over the place. You know how certain cities have their own specialty which makes them unique. Baltimore has its crabs. Minneapolis has lakes. Milwaukee has cheese. Well, let me suggest the hypodermic needle as Philly's specialty. Because if you spend enough time there, you're bound to accidentally get stuck by one.
Philadelphia prides itself on being a great sports city. Well if you consider perennially losing to be great, then Philly's got the teams for you. None of their pro-teams in the four major sports have won a title since the 80's. That's a twenty year drought - something virtually unheard of in a city with four teams. Hey, winning titles is a hard thing to do, b ut it's the way that Philadelphia has managed to procure (I'm sorry, is that word too difficult to understand for people from Philly?)... It's the way that Philadelphia has managed to achieve this title futility. Do I even need to mention their beloved Eagles? Three straight NFC Championship losses - they're one more away from becoming the poor man's Buffalo Bills. Now that's just pathetic! When the Phillies lost the World Series in '93, not only did they lose, but they lost to a team from Canada! A team participating in the "national pastime" loses the title to another country. That's what we call, shameful! The Flyers lost in the Stanley Cup Finals in the 90's, and recently were eliminated in the Conference Finals by a team from Tampa Bay. How do you lose a hockey game to a team from the Sunshine State? The 76ers drafted Allen Iverson, the league's biggest punk. They loved him when he brought them to the NBA Finals, which they subsequently lost, but now they boo and demand that he be traded.
That's another thing about Philly. They pretty much invented the "boo". They boo everyone. I won't even bring up booing Santa Claus since that's been way over-stated. Oh wait, I just did. Never mind...
I guess you can't blame Philly fans too much. If you've endured the amount of losing this city has, you'd be pretty cranky too. However, in the spirit of kindess, I'll get away from the "booing" topic for a moment, since I am being a little harsh. There are times when Philadelphia sports fans do cheer, like when Michael Irvin broke his neck. Now that's class! And Philly fans are always quick to praise their greatest sports hero of all time - Rocky Balboa! The city adores the guy. They even have a statue for him! Now if only he were real! I feel bad for the Philly fans, I really do. They've lost so badly, so many times, that they've been forced to blur the line between fiction and reality and idolize a movie character.
The real thing that gets me about Philly fans is that they'll jump on any bandwagon just to get a taste of what it feels like to win. Immediately after the Eagles bombed for a third straight time, the city became crazed over the St. Joseph's Hawks. Suddenly every person in Philly, who couldn't have named a single player the year before, was Jameer Nelson's biggest fan. Of course next year, the Hawks bandwagon will have plenty of room, because everyone will have jumped off of it. It's absolutely revolting how Philadelphians will prostitute themselves to any team they can just to have the possibility of supporting a winner. Believe it or not, this trend doesn't stop at humans. Philly was recently buzzing over...Smarty Jones! A horse! You have to be kidding me! Are you telling me that the people of Philadelphia have de-evolutionized to the point where they cheer a equine (sorry, another tough word) like he's one of their own kind? Of course in true Philadelphia fashion, Smarty endured one of the most shocking defeats in racing history!
But don't get too down Philly fans, there's always a chance they'll make Rocky VI...
