A tribute to the most over-hyped NBA team and their selfish super star.
"Fourteen Times Too Many"
If there is one team that can epitomize everything that is wrong with professional sports today, it is the Los Angeles Lakers. Never before in the history of civilization has there been a franchise so defined by sickening excess and the corruption that ensues. It's hard to believe that the Los Angeles Lakers had a humble beginning in the peaceful state of Minnesota. Back in the days when George Mikan ruled the paint and they played in the quaint armory downtown, it seemed as if the Minneapolis Lakers would come to typify the ideal NBA franchise. However, success corrupted the Lakers, and their owner felt that the franchise had become too big for the city of Minneapolis. In a major betrayal to the community, the team forsook the land of 10,000 lakes from which its moniker arose, and headed off to the bright lights of Los Angeles. "Showtime" was born. You see, that's the real problem with the Los Angeles Lakers. They've become focused on "Showtime" instead of basketball. The networks love to broadcast Los Angeles Lakers games because they allow a break from the game to look at the many celebrities in the stands. Of course these "huge fans" are really there to promote their new movies, not support the team. But then again, the Los Angeles Lakers team doesn't support the team. So can we really blame Sylvester Stalone for trying to build up enough hype to get that Rocky VI script in the works? If it weren't for the Los Angeles Lakers making the playoffs, he might be forced to make Spy Kids 3D Part 2.
The Los Angeles Lakers will sacrifice all dignity in order to make sure that they end up on Sports Center. If the Los Angeles Lakers' selfish play won't earn them a spot on the TOP 10, then their off-the-court antics surely will. Just look back at the 2003-2004 season. Between Shaq constantly griping, Payton flipping out about the triangle, Luke Walton hitting on Britney Spears, and Kobe Bryant trying to pull off a real life version of Paradise Hotel, it's a wonder that there's enough time left on the show for Stephen A. Smith to scream into the camera about Malone performance during his latest game of bingo at the retirement home. Even Magic Johnson has gotten in on the insanity. During All-Star Weekend 2004 in L.A., Magic checked his dignity at the door and squeezed his now 380 lb. frame into a retro Los Angeles Lakers uni and started chucking half court shots. Of course that's a step up from the previous year's performance when he teamed up with Justin Timberlake to take on Frankie Muniz. Has Magic caught on to the fact that there's a reason MJ and Larry Legend don't participate in these publicity stunts? But that's what the Los Angeles Lakers have become - a publicity stunt. And that's why the casual fan has become so taken in by them. The casual fan doesn't care about the game, he cares about who's on the Sprite commercials.
The sad part is that the Los Angeles Lakers have become the premiere franchise of the league. As a result, we have our nine year olds looking up to a man being praised for dropping 33 points in a playoff game. What those kids don't get, and apparently the media doesn't either, is that he's being praised for dropping 33 points after spending all day in court because he's at best, an adulterer. They get to watch their favorite players curse at reporters during interviews. They get to learn that it's a good thing to sell-out the people who depend on you for popularity. But hey, at least none of them said "uzi", right? Yeah, this is "Showtime".